hi, im going out with a lad that i realy realy like only when we are 2gether we cant think of anything 2 say so its all long silences, do u have any sugestions?
-jenni
dear jenni,
it baffles me how you can 'realy realy' like someone but can't think of anything to talk about with him. it also baffles me how consistant you are with your misspelling--you're a letter leaver-outer as opposed to a letter-adder. "really." "suggestions." at least you have a system going.
my suggestion is to either come to terms with silence or to like someone else. if you wrote to Seventeen or something, they'd give you a list of benign topics to bring up when a silence approaches, mostly stuff like "what movies do you like?" and "what's your favorite subject in school?" however, a relationship that requires filler talk is a relationship that sucks and i can't support it. sorry.
I moved 5 months ago, for the first time ever and I started liking this guy that lives right by me. (he's a sophmore, im an 8th grader) and we hit it off pretty good, we became pretty good friends. And so, on valentines day i decided to let him know how i feel, so i gave him a flower, box of chocolates, and a note saying 'i think you're really sweet and hott.' And he got something for me too! And now, he's starting to bring all these girls over to his house, and i think he has a girlfriend now. I think that he was just trying to fool me or something and now im REALLY depressed i want him to think that i dont care..... Help! :*( -Sara
dear sara,
he wants to be friends with you. you didn't tell me what he got you for valentine's day, but i'm assuming it wasn't red lace lingere with a card that said "you are a fucking goddess, come kiss me quickly." if it were, you'd have told me. and my answer would be different. what a world that would be! anyway, my point is that he likes you enough as a friend, and probably knows that you like him as more. that is why he got you a gift for valentine's day, but not a sexy, seductive, boyfriendy gift. he got you a gift because he didn't want to hurt your feelings. that's also probably why he didn't tell you straight out that he has a girlfriend now. ironically, his evasiveness is probably hurting you more than straightforwardness would. boys often are dumb in this way. they seem to think if they avoid an issue enough, it will just dissipate. this is not true! just ask my ex-boyfriend joe, who evaded the issue in tenth grade and still gets yelled at for it five years later, after our relationship and subsequent breakup. growl. if you want the issuen resolved, give your guy a call and tell him you're gonna have a chat. and have one.
hello doughnut...theirs this guy i like..his name is ryan..but anyhow..we never talk or wutevr cuz hes not in any of my classes..but on valentines day he gave me a rose and we slow danced at the dance that nite.since then we havent talked 2each other..and whenevr we see each other in the hallway one of us always pretends to look the other way, but then on the bus he always stares at me....i like him..i just dont know what 2say to him...and hes about 4inches shorter than me...but anyways how can i start talking to him?
-"doris"
dear "doris,"
go up to him and say "hello doughnut." i can't think of a better conversation opener. thank you for bringing it to my attention.
Ok...so here goes, my ex-boyfriend said that he doesn't lije me ne more but he acts like it...he hugs me sits on my lap(I know its weird), and he told 1 of my friends that he was taking me on a special date to the Rennison Festivle(I don't think I spelled that to good)and all of my friends say they think that he still likes me!!! I think so too and I still like him ALOT!!! How can I tell if he does OR doesn't like me any more???
- Miranda
dear miranda,
kiss him and see if he gets a boner. if he does, he likes you, even if he won't admit it. this is a foolproof, multi-tested, patented method to get within the psyche of even the most complicated man. use it wisely.
i love a guy , but we cant be together, what sthe best way to ge over this?
-Danielle
dear danielle,
ah, the problem of the ages. it's a hard one to get over. believe me, i've been in unrequited love many a time. and every time i've gotten out of it has been thanks to falling in love with someone else. doesn't that suck? i just realized how pathetic i am as a human being. help me, danielle. you help me.
Is it immoral to skip class?
-Konan, The Barbarian
dear konan, the barbarian,
no, not really.
me and my friend have been fighting for about a couple of months and we just had made up about a month ago and then something had happened. she likes my ex-boyfriend and im not really okay with that. i mean like its my ex-boyfriend and my friend likes him and everytime she talks about him i want to punch her. i told her about how i felt if she got together with him and she doesn't care. i don't know how you can help me tho, maybe just tell me how to fix the problem thanks.
-KoOKiE MoNsTeR
dear kookie monster,
your friend is an asshole. seriously. lose her while you still have your self-esteem and your soul. she's going to grow up to be a misogynistic, self-hating, coke-line-shooting, pleather-thong-wearing wench. this is the fate of girls who'd even consider trying to seduce their friends' boyfriends or exboyfriends or crushes or excrushes or flings or exflings or... you get the picture.
Okay, there is this guy who I absolutely adore. I think I love him. We both play the drums and we talk every time we see each other (he's a year older than me, so I don't get to talk to him every single day, unfortunately). This is my last year at the school we both go to, and I want to tell him how I feel about him, but I'm afraid that'll ruin our friendship. Then again, I know that if I don't tell him how I feel, I'll probably never get the chance to later on. I'm really confused about this, so could you give me some advice? Thanks. :)
-The Confused One
dear the confused one,
tell him. if your friendship is worth saving, your telling him that you like him will not ruin it. and it won't really matter soon, anyway, since you're changing schools and will make new friends and meet new boys. and maybe if you tell him, he'll say he likes you back, and you can hump. nothing good can even possibly happen if you don't tell him. be brave. take a chance.
of course, you could always go the classic 6th grade route and have your friends talk to him or his friends. but that's gutless.
Ahoy hoy. I have a few problems here. Very few times in my life have I ever been approached by someone of the female gender, but I'm actually fairly used to it. Now, as of late, it seems that after many prayers of "No one ever notices me", God finally responded with "Oh, we can fix that, you little bitch". The following three girls seem to have taken a liken to me. Case 1.: Girl I've had a crush on for quite a while now, but recently dropped because she had went a bit off the deep end. She still remains a friend of mine. Of course, after I stop liking her, she immediately starts liking me. This does not keep her from taking her shaven, half-Pekingese half-Poodle to prom. Complete with dress. Case 2.: Girl from another school. She has had seven dates over the past two weekends, and now is flirting with me at vocational school. Case 3.: Girl also from another school. Sweet, nice, into anime and other stuff I like. Talkative. Hated by Case 1, and also has a boyfriend of which I know nothing of. Should I give up the chase and become a hermit in the Appalachians?
-luckless
dear luckless,
yes.
or go for case 1.
As all good problems start out, there's this guy. I do not have romantic/sexual feelings for him. He does not have any of those feelings for me, yet every time we are alone together, he begs for blow jobs. I usually say no, but sometimes I do it just to shut him up. I liked him over the summer, but then my best friend kissed him, and that ended that. I suppose what my question is what should I do to get him to stop asking? I have no urge to run in to this situation again. Maybe if I flat out tell him I dont like him anymore? please help
-Hazel
dear hazel,
you need far more help than i can or am willing to give you. blow jobs are not things done to shut someone up. they are also not done to people for whom you do not have romantic/sexual feelings. if i were him, i'd keep asking you too, because you obviously deliver. just tell him you don't feel like it anymore, and that the more he asks, the more you'll hate him and the more people you'll tell about his herpes problem.
ok, so i'm a little older than most of your audience. i'm older than you. that being said,i am 24 and i have never had a boyfriend. sounds wierd, i know. one tends to conjure up images of all things considered aesthetically grotesque. if that were truly the case, at least i would have a reason for this phenomenon. i have been told that i am cute by the boys i know and/or like. yes i'm a little on the chunky side but i am not wobbly. i have always had a congregation of male friends so i know my personality isn't lacking. i have done this while maintaining the utmost moral standards (either that or i have done an excellent job at picking those that don't kiss and tell-hee hee). i have an impressive i.q. and ambition. i go to two, count 'em two schools at the same time, one for computer engineering, one for digital film production. i am not advertising...these digressions are here to paint a picture. anyway, i am an artist, musician, poet, and skater. i can talk cars, music, or politics. and on top of all this, i make people laugh. so why can't i have the one thing that eludes me? it's not like i haven't tried.
-invisibly there
dear invisibly there,
i have no idea what it is that some girls have that makes them always have a boyfriend. or even sometimes have one. i have had my share, but only one serious, and i'm by no means one of those girls. hm. i'm at a loss. maybe you're picky? maybe you're just unlucky? maybe you're looking too hard. if you're really that set on having a a boyfriend, why don't you try a matchmaking service or something? i'll caution you, though, that you should think deeply about your situation first. do you just want 'a boyfriend,' or do you like anyone specifically? and have you ever liked anyone specifically? guys can smell desperation like an absence of deodorant. no guy wants to be with a girl who wants 'a boyfriend.' a guy wants to be with someone who wants him as opposed to any other guy. no one likes to simply fill a role.
Ok I have this guy I really really like but he has a g/f.He looks at me all the time.He doesnt even know me.We just see eachother at school.Hes been giving me mixed signals for a long time(like touching his g/f but looking at me and all this stuff).Im so confused what should I do?
-Jessica
dear jessica,
ignore him and find another guy to like. sorry.
I have a real problem with guys. it seems i can never get a boyfriend, and can barely talk to any members of the opposire sex. i know it sounds kinda whiny, but it sucks when most of my friends have a boyfriend or a really close guy friends. i consider myself to be pretty conservative for a 14 year old, so something drastic is pretty much out of the question. any ideas? thanks.
-Mary
dear mary,
what is it with my visitors and feeling as though they need a boyfriend? jeez. anyway, you don't need a boyfriend. "getting a boyfriend" is a dumb goal. if you liked a specific guy, that's one thing. close guy friends--those are fun to have. i didn't have any at 14, though. 14 is a weird age where guys are still kind of mean and teasing to girls. at least that was my experience. i didn't start having guy friends until 15. well, i had them in early childhood, too, but that doesn't count right now. right? right. why do you need male attention so much? that's the real question, and i think when you figure that out, you'll have your solution.
i'm suffering from depression
-Rebecca
dear rebecca,
sorry. go to a psychologist to be sure of your diagnosis, and you'll go from there.
Hey.. I'm in the 8th grade, and I have never been kissed or had a boyfriend thats lasted more then 3 or 4 weeks. Is this normal for middle school? I'm starting High School in September, so is my love life magically going to improve? eh I hope so, cos I'm sick of being the only single/kissing virgin in my group of friends.
- -Rosie
dear rosie,
yes, that's normal for middle school. why do you care so much about being the only single/kissing virgin in your group of friends? WHAT IS IT ABOUT THIS WEEK'S ADVICE COLUMN AND NEEDING MALE APPROVAL?! crikey. just concentrate on other, important parts of your life, and the love life will fall together magically. no one ever got kissed by obsessing about not being kissed.
hey what's up okay i got with this guy about two weeks ago and i really do like him. i mean he makes me happy yet i feel me and him are moving too fast. it's not that i feel uncomfortable it's just i know i shouldn't be doing somethings so soon just to get hurt. don't think i'm acting like a hoe though cause i haven't done anything that bad. but what do you like me and him should be doing on a regular basis after being together for two weeks? i'm 16 he's 18. if that info helps.
-Cami
dear cami,
if you feel you're moving too fast, you are. you know what you and he should be doing? what you and he feel comfortable doing. there are no set standards for what is okay and what is not okay. what is comfortable for me after two weeks (and boy did you hit it on the nose with the two weeks) is not necessarily comfortable for you. regardless of age. it depends on the individual people and the individual relationships. i've felt more comfortable doing more with someone within hours of first kissing him than i have felt NOT doing as much with someone else after over a month of dating. go figure.
ype your problem here.hello, I saw in the store portion of you website that you had shitmongering periphenalia, so since I did not have a clue what it was I looked through you site and figured it out! I agree with you totally about the whole Sept. 11th thing, if you did not lose someone or live in NYC during the time you should just leave it alone because you didnt experience it. Well I feel the same way about the potential for war. I believe only those involved in the military should be able to give thier opinion. Since I come from a military family, I was in the military, and my husband is currently in the military I feel that those who do not have a loved one going overseas or those who do not have a husband who will be leaving behind his wife (me) and three sons to fight a war should shut up! So anyway my question to you is do you have a good saying for all these idiots that feel they have a right to an opinion about a war that doesnt effect them personally?
-JC
dear jc,
you can call that shitmongering too, if you want. i find your viewpoint problematic, though, unless i am misreading you. do you feel only people who have relatives in the military can have ANY opinion about war, or just pro-war opinions? because i feel as though ANYONE is entitled to have anti-war opinions. war is something that is in the future, not in the past, like september 11th is. therefore, anyone can be against war because we do not know yet how we will be affected by it. war is not something that goes according to plan. if we enter into war, who is to say that massive amounts of american civilians won't die in a nuclear attack or something? are only people related to the military allowed to be against that? i do understand how you feel only military-related people can be pro-war, though, because the thought of people NOT in the military wanting to send other people to die is really gross to me. and that's that.
Mmmk. Here we g0. I Ashley and my boyfriend, Grant..well..ex boyfriend lol well he left me f0r a man!!!!!!1111 WTF??? anyhoo n0w every1 @ sk00l thinx he left me cuz it was my fault he turned all homosex-shoe-al and stuffs. so ya. how do i get grant to go back out wit me i really miss him!! PLZ HELP!
-<33 Ashley
dear ashley,
i don't even want to help you because you typed your problem so annoyingly. however, i will. you want grant back? and grant is gay now? do the math: grow a penis.
I've been friends with this chick for 2 years. Recently she called ma and we've hanging out AlOT.Last week i told her how i felt about her. I have watched her get fucked over the last oh, few dozen boyfriends, she finally broke it off with her insane ex, and now were having a good time. Meanwhile, i think she's been having second thoughts about going back with her ex, but i think i broughtup some valid points. She said she would need some time so sort through these things. Even though she knows how i feel about her(love ai first site for the last 2 years), she has a lot to sort through. SHe said she owuld need some time to think about something bewteen me and her. I know if she goes back with her ex b/f shes gonna be majorly misrbale, and come crawlin back to me like always, but what can i do? I'm a good lsitener and she knows she can trust me, i just hope she sees whats infront if her with moe, before its too late...I need some help...Considering she talked me into going to this dance with her and id like to sort it out before she buys the dress. I NEED HELP!!!!
-travis
dear travis,
you just hit on a major problem with girls. remember how i said before that guys, when trying to make a problem go away without hurting any feelings, just evade the issue? girls do something even worse. they lie and sugarcoat things to try to make the problem go away without hurting any feelings. she's using you to feel better about herself. she's not going to get together with you. if she really liked you, she would have jumped at the chance to be your girlfriend when you told her how you felt. face it: she's keeping you around to console her when other guys hurt her feelings.
i don't mean to demonize her. i'm sure she doesn't do this on purpose. since you are "best friends," i'm sure she feels it is within her bounds to crawl to you when she's been hurt. this would be true if you felt the same way about her as she feels about you--platonic. if you really are best friends with her, and care about saving the friendship (and not just to get in her pants, because you're not gonna), then you need to tell her it hurts her when she leads you on by even saying she'll "think about it" and by going to dances with you and whatnot. if you don't care about the friendship, then just ditch her, because she's not worth it.
if there's one thing more cruel than boy best friends who don't love their female best friend back, it's girl best friends who don't love their male best friend back. trust me, i've been on both sides.
i'm afraid i'm skitzophrenic. after i take showers, about four times a week, i sit, wet, in the tub, and look at my reflection in the glass and i can't even recognize myself. i feel like nothing is real or tangible, like my life is a one-way mirror, and i can just barley see something on the other side. do skitzophernic people wonder if they're skitzophrenic? should i be admitted?
-lindsey
dear lindsey,
you may not be schizophrenic, but you are something. you do need psychiatric help. ok.
My best guy friend is dating the most popular girl in class. The thing is that they've been together four times in the last two years! The popular girl doesn't even like him half of the times they're going out, and when I tell her "boyfriend", she goes all psycho on me and says, "WHY'D YOU TELL HIM?". So, I think it's kind of wasteful that he likes her, because...all in all, she's a bitch. She's two-faced, gossipy, and all-around bitchy. Can I talk my guy friend into liking someone else? I just don't like to see him getting hurt by this creature...
- Ember
dear ember,
love is blind, deaf, mute, and completely stupid. you can never talk someone into liking someone other than who they like. that's just the way it is. your friend will figure it out on his own, eventually. until then, just smile and butt out.
I've been with this guy Eric for almost 7 months now. We haven't had sex yet. I want to but he wants to do it without a condom first, just to see if it will work (i am a virgin). Is that dangerous? He said as long as it works he'll stop and get one.
-Grrish
dear grrish,
what are you trying to see work? your reproductive system? you want to have a baby? because if you don't use a condom, you're asking for it. either way, you need to learn more about sex before you have it, because this is honestly one of the dumbest questions i've ever been asked. OF COURSE IT WILL WORK. and it will work BETTER with a condom, too, because of the lubrication. i suspect eric probably knows this and is trying to pull a fast one on you. though i also suspect he is short-sighted, since teenage paternity isn't a barrel of laughs either. (well, it sort of is, but only if you have a sick sense of humor like mine).
It must be a rule I don't know about where all women hate their best friend's boyfriend.My problem is unlike the rest,tho.He's so nice and polite it bugs me(then you get to know the true him).Then he has some stupid ass fanclub of girls that follows him everywhere,and once in a while he'll flirt with one of them behind her back and it just drives me fucking crazy!
Once,she caught him with someone else,and she forgave him!She asked him not to do it again,and he looked honest and told her "I won't ever again.I didn't know it would turn out like that".I'm just like "A girl asked him to meet her in private,and he didn't suspect the littlest thing?!"but she just said he didn't know and he said he wouldn't do it again,and believed him!
I've caught him flirting with his fanclub many times scence then,and I know he's going to try it again.I've told her,and she won't hear me out.She's gonna get hurt,no way about if she won't hear me out,should I just stop trying?If not,any advice on how to tell her?
-heroingirl
dear heroingirl,
i guess you could have a little talk with her, and let her know your concerns. but don't expect good results. people tend to get mad when their friends criticize their significant others. i'd suggest keeping quiet and letting her figure out and hoepfully solve her own problems.
Hi first off I wanna say that your site is great, second of all my problem is I like a boy. This boy happens to be a friend of mine who has a girlfriend but his girlfriend goes to a diff. school. I don't know if he likes me or not but he's constantly flirting with me and telling me I'm sexy...I like him a lot but I don't wanna break up his relationship. I just don't know what to do...
-Chloe
dear chloe,
first off, thanks for the compliments on my site. second of all, i know what you should do: leave him alone. don't flirt with him. even if he dumped his girlfriend, would you want to be with a boy who flirted with another girl while he had a girlfriend? could you trust a boy like that? i sure couldn't. you'll find someone less shifty.
I have a problem, sometimes when I have an erection my left nut kinda goes back up into my body, and takes some coaxing to get back down. This can happen (and has done) during either masturbation or sex and is extremley alarming and frightening when it occurs and has ruined good sex on a couple of occasions. What can I do about this?
-Gary
dear gary,
i can't believe i've gotten another question about male genitalia. what is it about my site that makes people think i'm an expert on it? hee. anyway, this is what you should do: see a doctor. that does sound like an alarming problem, and not only because it involves nuts (an alarming set of organs in themselves, ill or no--YIKES). really. a doctor. go to one.
I think it's pretty much common sense not to go to war. I'd like to voice this to bush, but I don't have to cash to fork over for a telegram, and an email will be deleted. Any suggestions on what I can do? I don't want to be considered part of this stupid decision.
-Kathleen
dear kathleen,
good for you! this is what you can do instead: send him a gay porn card against the war. his email address is president@whitehouse.gov. feel free to send millions! send them from everyone you know! send send send!
archives
thanks diaryland