Ive been dating this guy for close to a month now, but you have to first understand that we have been lingering with the prospect of dating for close 2 years, and we decided it would be better to wait until it worked well for both of us, so here we are together...and I feel like this is one of the best things to ever happen to me, Im so happy but Im worried that its too soon to be feeling like this. With that said, the other thing is: since ive been with this guy, I have gotten more compliments and been asked on more dates than ever in my life, I dont get it?...do guys have some sort of like..alarm *oh shes dating someone, maybe shes alright*...
-Slightly Confused
dear slightly confused,
if you've known someone and "have been lingering with the possibility of dating" them for two years... one month is not too soon to feel the way you do. in this case, it's almost as though you've been with this person, in a way, for a lot longer than you really have. titles mean a lot less than nuances in relationships. i think people worry too much about how they SHOULD be feeling.
as for the second part of your question: i just don't know. i got hit on more often when i had a boyfriend, too. maybe it's a confidence thing. guys are often attracted to confidence, and having a boyfriend, sadly, gives a lot of girls confidence. maybe?
I am pathetically crushing on a gay boy and a straight girl. Since I'm a girl I obviously have no chance with either one. However, both of them are comfortable enough with their sexuality that they feel comfortable flirting with me and hugging and kissing (lightly on the lips at most) me. I've told them how I feel about them, but they don't seem to understand how their flirting when I can never "be" with them is incredibly confusing. I've tried talking to them about it, but it wasn't effective. Do you know how I can get through to them that they're leading me on and it hurts?
Also, is it healthy to like two people? I actually like the girl better, and sometimes I feel like the main reason I have a crush on the boy is because she lives far away and is rather unaccesable.
-MK
dear mk,
you need to stop. your friends need to stop. it is incredibly cruel of them to act that way with you after they were informed of your feelings for them. i can't believe they'd be so insensitive. it almost makes me wonder exactly how gay this boy is and exactly how straight this girl is--no, i don't doubt their sexual orientations, i just think that they are both sort of getting off on the fact that you like them. oftentimes, people lead on people who like them simply because it makes them feel better about themselves to know someone wants them. i've experienced this from both sides, and it's bad on both sides. you need to somehow fathom up enough willpower to stop allowing them to hug you and kiss you. i realize that is a lot easier said than done.
and i don't see why it's not healthy to like two people. except it is unhealthy for you to like these two particular people. i hope you meet someone who can like you back and make you happy.
hi. i'm a sophmore guy in high school and i'm not completely growing in proportion. ;/ i'm 6'1, 200 lbs., and my penis hasn't grown since 8th grade. (it's under 5 inches.) the past few girls i've shown interest in have blown me off apparently because i'm small and uncircumcised. that's just what i hear, i don't know if it's true. does size really matter?
-drew
dear drew,
i'm not going to lie to you--you have a small penis (unless you mean it's 5 inches soft. if it is, that's not small, it's completely normal bordering on large. statistically speaking). however, that shouldn't matter to a girl who really likes you. i can't believe that these girls you've shown interest in blew you off simply because of your penis. that's so odd. what's really odd, though, is that they got to see your penis before they liked you enough not to blow you off because of it. what are you doing, telling girls you like them and then flashing them your dick? maybe i've been out of high school too long and thus i'm out of touch with youth courting culture...but i think there has GOT to be a better tactic for getting a date.
size matters relatively. this is hard to explain. it matters, but not enough to warrant girls ditching you because of it. any girl who would blow you off because of penis size is either 1) lying and not willing to tell you the real reason she is blowing you off or 2) a complete whore who uses men like dildos. ok? ok.
Sometimes I'm afraid that Sir Thomas Malory is going to rise from the grave and steal some of my cattle. Well...actually....I'm always afriad Sir Thomas Malory is going to rise from the grave and steal my cattle. It's begining to interfere with my work and home life. I can't milk the cows without constantly looking over my shoulder and threatening to go all Morgause-style on his ass. What should I do? Are there any Zombie of Sir Thomas Malory keep-away-er-thingys? Eek! I think I see him trying to sneak into my barn right now! Please help!
-Mo
dear mo,
sir thomas malory has no interest in cattle. if he were to rise from the grave, he'd definitely do something other than steal your cattle. i hope this helps.
the cheese in my fridge got moldy. this makes me very sad. how can i prevent future mold problems?
-kelly
dear kelly,
cheese gets moldy when it gets old. next time, eat your cheese closer to the day on which you bought it. this should prevent your mold problems.
I want to make my own online quiz...are there any good sites to learn how or do so?
-Katie
dear katie,
this is perhaps my least favorite question, but i'll answer it anyway, since you asked so nicely. why don't you search on google for "javascript tutorial" or "how to make a quiz?" i'm sure you'll find something there.
okie pokie, ther's this guy who keeps staring at me in math, he's really hott!!!, but it kreeps me out when he take his fingers and makes an O shape, then takes another finger then moves it in and out of the O shape. I want him to stop staring, it was my job in the first place!
-Rhyet
dear rhyet,
i think he's flirting with you, or at least attempting to do so. i bet you're in 6th or 7th grade. if you think he's hot, why don't you want him to stare at you? that doesn't make sense to me. hm. i understand the hating of the o-shape situation. maybe you should do it back to him. that's probably what i would have done. or do something worse. try a v-shape with a tongue. that should get him.
there is this girl i used to go out with and i still like her alot but she just doesn't see it the same way anymore but she has a thing for my friend. my friend keeps coming up and telling me everything that is so great about her and wont shut up. how do i get him to stop talking about the girl i'm still in love with?
-Kevin
dear kevin,
your friend is an asshole. i'm sorry, but there are very few things that are anathema to me, and one of them is trying to get with someone your friend once dated or liked or kissed or anything. i would NEVER do that to anyone, because someone did that to me a lot, purely for spite, and it resulted in the end of our friendship. if someone were to do that to me now, it would still result in the end of our friendship. if i were you, i'd tell off your friend and never speak to him again.
then again, i realize that not everyone has the same issues i do. so what you should really do is tell your friend you are still in love with the girl and ask if he could please not talk to you about her. it is a little much to ask him not to ever date her, since she apparently likes him back, but he is not a good friend if he'd do so.
Why did Mister Rogers have to die?
- Lucky Duck
dear lucky duck,
because everyone else dies, too.
hmmm. i feel stupid. my (ex)boyfriend decided to go out & get drunk & sleep with another girl. somehow, some way, i found this forgivable. beacuse i love him so much... i can't imagine life without him. thing is, he calls & tells me he can't be with someone he can't be loyal to. i couldn't say a word, i was so stunned, so nothing came out of my mouth. he just said he had to go, so i told him i love him & hung up. i want him back... i feel so stupid. but i do. i don't know what to do. i know it's wrong but it's all i can think about.
-hannah
dear hannah,
he's not treating you well and you love him anyway. i know that sucks. the "i can't be with someone i can't be loyal to" thing is such crap. he's basically blaming his inability to be loyal on you being yourself. if he can't be loyal to you, what makes him think he can be loyal to anyone else? he's delusional.
you will get over him. he's not worth it. i know it hurts to hear that--believe me, i really do know. but he did something really mean and he apparently isn't even sorry. does someone like that deserve your love? you will hurt for awhile but i promise that eventually, you will be okay.
for now, try to concentrate on other things. including other boys. that should dull the pain at least a little.
My friend, (He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named... Ok, so he's Ricardo, jeez) is annoying the friggin' snot out of me being what you might call 'in love', whatever. Anyway, she's a bit tomboyish (yay!) and so my stupid, stupid buddy... stupid, asked one of her friends if the girl was playing for the other team. In-consequently, the friend told Denisha(the girl) that he asked (By the way i found this out when i tryed to get Denisha to hook up wit Ricky). Now she thinks he thinks she's 'a freak', in her words exactly. He's damn too shy to confront her, and im usually not one for confrontation, so... what should i/he do? <\ )---"Squeak!"
- Joshua
dear joshua,
your problem is so convoluted that i don't even know what question i'm supposed to answer. hm. okay, i think i have it. how about leaving denisha a note saying "ricky doesn't think you're a freak...he likes you."
i don't know. i also really hate the phrase "hook up." it makes me physically ill. i have to go throw up now.
Nothing ever seems to go right for me, but it seems I cause all my problems...why am I so damn stupid?
- Zsana
dear zsana,
you didn't give me any information i can use to answer your question. i'm sure SOME things go right for you, and that you don't cause ALL your problems. i have no idea whether or not you are stupid, so i can't really address that. feel free to write back with a more specific problem. in any case, i hope you feel better.
I'm really not nice. I'm so incredibly mean, I'm told that people would rather be stuck in a room with Bush for a year than in the same room as me. What do I do?
-Nuriko
dear nuriko,
stop being mean then. it's really not that difficult. the hardest part is wanting to stop being mean. and obviously you do. so be nice.
I am despertly in love with my friends boifriend. I wrote him like twnty love notes and call him all the time, but I don't think he realizes that i luv hinm. Do you think i should stalk him to make him notice?
-ASheley
dear asheley,
no, i think you should leave him alone, if only because he is your friend's boyfriend. do you really want to be the kind of girl who steals/tries to steal her friends' boyfriends? it will get you nowhere but desperately, tragically lonely and without any real female friends. that is not a good place to be. find a boy who isn't dating your friend and stalk him instead.
if im going to charge for blow jobs, how much should i charge so that im not a cheap skank yet not too expensive? i figured i might as well charge if im going to do it.
-Killer Queen
dear killer queen,
if you charge for blow jobs, you're a cheap skank no matter what. not that there is anything wrong with that. i figure forty is a fair price, unless you're really good. then sixty.
k here we go.. k i like dis guy and dis guy like some 1 else and we had a past 2gether and i really want to go back out with him and i dono wut to do but we both like each other....
-the dead and the dying
dear the dead and the dying,
send him exactly what you sent me. he'll get the hint, and the "2gether" style typography is super seductive.
My friend loves rap, I can't stand it. I love rock, she can't stand it. She is usually nice, but on MSN Messenger (an instant messaging service if u didnt already know,) She gets crabby and makes fun of me and rock music in general. she has lots of "popular" friends 2, and there are WAY more of them than there are of little ol' me. They could most likely dis me up in more time than u could say "kalamazoooo". what oh wat should I doooo?
-Michelle
dear michelle,
stay off MSN messanger for awhile. either that or talk to your friend and say "you like rap, i like rock, who cares? does it really matter what kind of music we like?" (the answer is that it doesn't.) if she makes fun of you a lot, she's not really your friend, by the way.
hi, i have a problem. i don't think it's really one you can fix, but what the hell, i'm bored, it's 2:10 AM and...yeah...
anyway, it seems that no one will employ me for a job. i'm 17, a guy, and i've been trying for a full year at many, many, many places to get one...but no luck. i can't say that i dress exactly...preppy...but i'm not goth-ish either. i'm thinking that it has something to do with how i look. (i've actually been told by some of my friends that a majority of my peers think i'm a pothead...which i'm not...) but i don't want to change how i dress (pink floyd, led zeppelin, *insert other band here*, and baggy pants with wallet). maybe i'm just paranoid...but i've applied at oh...literally 15 or so places in the past year and...nothing. thanks!
-chuck
dear chuck,
the economy is really bad right now, as as a result, a lot of places are just not hiring. but if you want to get a job, especially in the current competitive job market, you are going to have to dress differently, at least at work and while you apply. that's just the truth. i'm sorry. you need to make a [cringe] "good first impression" on your prospective employer and that can't be done while wearing a band tshirt and baggy pants.
then again, maybe you are applying at the wrong types of places. try a music store or a video store. i don't know. good luck.
You've gotten an incredible amount of questions in the past few days. I'm impressed. But also a bit confused. What do you think it is that makes everyone come to you for advice? Of course, it's not just you. There are advice columnists who make a great deal of money by just answering questions about other people's lives. Why don't I feel the need to ask complete strangers about problems they really don't know anything about? Am I defective in some fundamental way?
-Kira
dear kira,
i suspect people come to me for advice because they like my webpage. i know that doesn't make much sense. also i'm older than a lot of my audience, and maybe they feel that gives me a unique perspective on their problems. blah blah. i don't know. you're not defective. well, i don't know--you might be. but if you are, it's not because you don't feel the need to ask strangers about your problems.
Although this is the same genre as most of the questions, i feel like getting my own personal answer...so... obviously, there is "this guy". i've known him for a while, and liked him for a year. we've gone to dances together, have the same cynical/weird personality,and are able to talk for hours, and email each other all the time. He's really shy with girls, and can barely talk to me when we're around other people...but i go over to his house on the weekends, and he knows that i like him. i cant seem to figure out if he's into me, or if he is really just a big ass and is leading me on....this whole situation is driving me crazy. I've tried to talk to him about our relationship before, but i've gotten a "i don't really want to talk about it" sorta thing from him. should i take more time trying to get this guy?
-Ivy
dear ivy,
the "i don't want to talk about it" sucks. it blows. it spins. it whirls. it does anything you could ever expect a vacuum cleaner to do (except clean). it is also a red flag that screams "stay away from this guy!!" because, really, do you want to be with a guy who can't even muster up enough courage to have one measly conversation about what is going on in your truly-very-ambiguous relationship of sorts? the "i don't want to talk about it" reveals a gutless, heartless, wavery personality that doesn't know what it wants.
he doesn't want to talk about it because he doesn't know what he'd say. he doesn't know what he'd say because he isn't sure how he feels about you. i'm sure you DO have fun together and are able to talk for hours and have the same "cynical/weird" personality....but if he were really the guy for you, he'd be non-dense enough to look at all that evidence and realize that he likes you. there is nothing worse than a guy who OBVIOUSLY likes you and doesn't know it/won't admit it, for whatever reason, unless it's a guy who actually doesn't like you, but for whatever reason can't help acting like he does. stop me before i say "gutless" again.
so to answer your question, no, ivy, i think you should not take more time trying to get this guy. if he wants to be with you, he'll realize it when you back away, and then maybe he'll come around.
i cheated on my boyfriend and i dont feel bad....is there something wrong with me? should i feel bad?
-grace
dear grace,
whether or not you should feel bad is totally subjective. i would feel bad. but if you don't love your boyfriend (and you probably don't, if you cheated on him...) then it would be hard for you to feel bad. it's a cruel fact of life that it is difficult to care convincingly about the feelings one does not love. maybe you should consider breaking up with your boyfriend.
me and my boyfriend are having problems and he likes to take his attitudes out on me he dosent hit me or anything but we just argue alot and he acts like a little kid but i love him what should i do?
-chante
dear chante,
what you should do depends on what you mean by "take his attitudes out on me." if he's needlessly verbally abusive, break up with him. if you guys just argue all the time, and it's mutual... ah, what the hell, break up with him then, too.
no, just kidding. well, not really. but it's only your decision whether or not to save your relationship or get rid of the boy.
I'm really insecure with my boyfriend. I mean, we're really close and we love each other, but I can't help to feel that he can do better, and I'm always really afraid and worried that he's going to break up with me. ....? what should I do? ahh! *runs and hides*
-Maria
dear maria,
the main thing you should do is stop communicating your insecurity to your boyfriend. the more you tell him you're worried you're not good enough for him, the more he'll believe it. then if he starts to believe it, he'll just prove you right, and you'll be stuck in a horrible cycle of insecurity. it's up to you to stop it.
i don't know how to help you actually stop being insecure.
ok there is this guy at skul he does lyk me and we r going out but i dont know how to get him to go past jus being boy/gyrl friends.Help me try to tell him to kiss me with out actully telling him.
-Amy
dear amy,
first, you have got to spell things correctly when you write to me, otherwise i have a hard time taking you seriously. actually, i'd have a hard time taking you seriously anyway, because you're afraid to kiss someone who is your boyfriend. you say you want to get PAST being boy/girl friends? what, you want him to marry you? and you're afraid to kiss him? i hope, for your own sake, that you're in the 10-13 age group. i have absolutely no relevant advice for you. what comes to mind is "get him drunk and tie him down." but please don't do that unless you're at least my age. and i really hope you're not at least my age.
If I spend as much time as I can in a corner of my room, avoid as much contact with living things as possible, and like to eat either bacon or pixie styx, does that make me anti-social? *twitch* I don't think that it does. How can I convince my parentals that I'm completely normal?
-Jessimae
dear jessimae,
the only thing that makes you anti-social is the putting-the-actions-inside-asterisks thing you've got going. tell your parentals you have lots of friends and like to play spin the bottle.
Hey Laura,
My parents devoriced a few months ago because it turns out that my mom decided she is a lesbian. So before even i knew what was going on, my mom moved, and a new lady moved in with us, and appearently they are "in love" I could have cared less, until this lady started cussing at me, screaming, telling me what to do, every second my mom is not around. And even one time when my mom had left, she broke into my room and started slapping me, and eventually threw me on the ground and left me there. Now the problem is, my mom wont believe me. In Fact, she thinks i'm a horrible person for even suggesting it. How can i get it across my mom's head that this lady is a beast?
-Lacey
dear lacey,
what happened to your dad? where is he in all of this? is it possible that you could live with him if this keeps happening? i find it really disturbing that your mom didn't believe you, and i think she has her priorities mixed up, which often happens when people are "in love."
i think you should corner your mom and tell her you need to talk to her about something, and show her what you wrote to me, a stranger on a website. or if you are afraid to do that, maybe you could print out your question and leave it somewhere your mom could find it. if she sees that you wrote about your problem to someone else, maybe she'll believe it more, because you'd have no motive to try to make an advice columnist dislike your mom's lover.
but here is my suggestion if all else fails: buy a cheap video camera or an even cheaper tiny audio recorder, and keep it recording when your mom is gone and you are alone with "the new lady." that way, if she is mean to you, you'll have actual evidence to show your mom. she can't argue with actual evidence.
archives
thanks diaryland