Dear Laura,
Thought you might need a break from the "As the World Turns" flavor I've been seeing in most of these questions,so here goes. . .
In March, a friend of mine went overseas to Saudi to bomb the crap out of some people. I'm not sure why, something about the guy from Hot Shots. Before he left, we made plans to acquire lodgings together upon his return. At the time, it seemed like a good idea; my lease runs out about the same time that he's triumphantly returning on the back of the camel I requested as a late birthday present. So handshakes were made, guy machismic words of honor were given, etc, etc. Everything's kosher.
Now, we flash forward a couple of months. Said friend is anticipating an August return, but all in night right in Seanland. It seems that another friend of mine, a lady that we will refer to as "Maggie", is looking to get her own place due to some uncomfortable relations with her...er...relations. She's still in college, and only has a part time job, so there's no small doubts towards whether or not she can handle that kind of thing on her own. She has asked me to move in with her, to provide an income buffer, and be the strong alpha male that kills all the spiders and runs outside with a bat whenever neighborhood kids try to steal our garden gnomes. But I've already given my word to friend number one.
Thus, my problem is given flesh.
My first solution was for all three of us to get a place together. I always had a soft spot for Three's Company, so hey...why not? Here's why not: My friend one lives in one town, friend two lives in another a few miles away. This, in and of itself is not a problem, but remember friend two is still in school...which is already a good hour's commute from her. Friend one can't move because of his job, friend two because of school. Blast.
My second solution was a steel cage match, winner gets the Sean and his money. Hot oils or lotions or something were involved in this plan as well, but it's already been shot down, I think.
And that was all the Solutions that I had. Not being particularly clever to begin with, I'm stumped. Any insight you may be able to offer is greatly appreciated, as well as any one liners. I'm easy to please.
-Sean,
Useful Idiot
dear sean,
i really hate the phrase "everything's kosher" unless you're talking about a meal of hotdogs, cheese, and salami. the solution to your problem is quite simple: live with friend number one. you told him you'd live with him first, and it's a lot easier to explain to friend number two that you've already told someone else you'd live with him than it is to tell friend number one that you've found a better offer.
in 7th grade, i was very much liked by a very handsome, nice and popular boy. since i am such a dumbass, even though i liked him back - i ignored his affection because i was in "love" with someone who was soon to ruin my life. i have regretted it every single day for the past 3 years. now, this handsome, nice and popular boy has just broken up with his girlfriend. last night, he gets drunk and i/m's me "hey, i'm single. wanna have sex?" now - it is obvious that he is attracted to me! lol but, look, i really like him and (although the sex thing is such a joke because it's all we ever talk about and nothing ever happens - hey! i'm still a virgin! geez) i mean, what am i supposed to do? should i tell him how i feel...or should i...do what? i'm at a loss. please help.
- Char
dear char,
tell him that you were a dumbass in seventh grade and that you regret ignoring his affection. and ask if there is any way for the two of you to be together now. that's straightforward enough.
Miss Laura, I have a problem. I broke up with my boyfriend, and we're still good friends. The only problem is, he's got a new girlfriend and when she's around, he hardly says 2 words to me. I am very jealous and I want them to break up because now I'm so jelous, I want him back. My friends say it's normal, but I don't know. What should I do?
- Simone
dear simone,
you should suck it up and deal. YOU broke up with HIM and now you want him to break up with someone else in order to get back together with a girl who dumped him? that's a little unfair and ridiculous.
I *need* a tasty smoothie recipie. Any takes? (oh & thanx for the help on the shoelace prob!...Your advice really helped!)
- natalie
dear natalie,
it just so happens that i make an excellent smoothie. i made both of these recipes up myself and they are both delicious. play with the amounts of each fruit to taste.
smoothie one
- frozen strawberries (about 4-6)
- frozen peach slices (about 3-5)
- goya frozen mango puree (about a 1 x 5 inch chunk)
- goya frozen papaya chunks (about a 2 x 3 inch chunk)
- one spoonful of plain nonfat yogurt
- about a cup and a half of skim milk (play with this amount a lot, depending on how liquidy you want your smoothie
- two ice cubes
- capful of vanilla extract
put all ingredients in blender and mix at a low speed at first, gradually getting to the highest speed. mix until uniform.
smoothie two
- frozen strawberries (about 4-6)
- frozen peach slices (about 3-5)
- frozen blueberries (about 10-15 of them)
- one banana
- one spoonful of plain nonfat yogurt
- about a cup and a half of orange juice (play with this amount a lot, depending on how liquidy you want your smoothie
- two ice cubes
- capful of vanilla extract
put all ingredients in blender and mix at a low speed at first, gradually getting to the highest speed. mix until uniform.
i hope you like them!
I have a food issue.As in,I starve myself for days,only to over eat and try to throw it up later.It doesn't seem to be hurting me now,but I know it's a horrible cycle and will eventually hurt me deeply,but I can't seem to stop.I need help other than 'get a shrink'.
-a little help,please.
dear a little help,
i'm sorry, but you need to get a shrink. either that or just stop on your own. what can you possibly expect me to say to make you stop?
do you know any really good revenge tactics? i really need to get back at my former boyfriend for cheating on me...
- Taylor
dear taylor,
sign him up for extreme right wing christian mailing lists, both online and offline. order a free sample from tampax.com for his address. seven times. send him a gay porn card from the president of the united states (president@whitehouse.gov), perfect for any occasion. spread rumors that he was impotent. put nair in his shampoo. i could go on and on.
Laura, I have come upon another site that reminds me of your very own mewing.net. It is spacefem.com. Please go there and link it to help spread the knowledge of strong, pragmatic females. You have a wonderful site.
-Leslie
dear leslie,
thanks! i've been to spacefem.com, actually. they interviewed me as an "internet celebrity" once. it was fun.
Hey, after visiting your website I noticed that you major in English at NYU. I'm a junior in high school and have recently began the time-consuming process of choosing a college. I am also from South Florida, and I have a few questions to ask you about NYU. First of all, was it difficult choosing a college so far away from home? Also, my two main possible college majors are English and Music...any advice, or comments? Thanks for all your help! By the way, the site is great!
- Emily
dear emily,
thanks for the compliment on my site. about nyu: you should know that music and english are in two different schools at nyu. that may or may not cause some difficulty for you, i don't really know. it wasn't difficult choosing a college far from home, because as you probably know, people jokingly call sofla the sixth borough of new york. lots of things are very similar here and there, so there's no real culture shock. and it's only a short plane ride away. the only sofla native thing i miss there is publix. and sometimes the sun, when it gets dark early in the winter.
Dear Laura, I am different and I've tried to stop being different but it just dosn't work out. Everybody calls me weird and psycho ALL THE TIME. (I'm not disabled, I just refuse to 'go with the flow.') It's not my clothes, just...me! I like myself, but sometimes I get really depressed about stuff that people can't just accept me for ME. Help, please? name = ~UniQuE
dear unique,
if you like yourself, don't change. as you get older, some people will admire you and appreciate you for being different than the norm. they will be cool people as well, and you'll have close friends and be happy.
BACKGROUND: I recently ended a friendship with these two girls i knew b/c i cant stand girls and they dont even act like they were my friend. I do not take crap from other people. PROBLEM:I'm 17. My b/f and I have been having sex (not unusual for me) and I just found out last wk that I am 5 weeks pregnant. So after I got over the shock and told my b/f. I ran into the girl I no longer associate with at the mall. I told her about me being pregnant. i have no idea why i did. she and the other girl told everyone. including teachers at the private school i got expelled from for next yr. um, after i found out everyone knew, i told the two girls that i was just joking and that i'm not pregnant. however,they ofcourse tell even more people. blah blah. i guess its not really a question that you can REALLY help with, but the whole point is i havent told my parents yet about me being pregant,the last thing i need is for them to find out from one of my "ex- friends" anyways, sorry so long. bye.
-Jamie
dear jamie,
so tell your parents as soon as possible. that's the only solution.
One of my best friends smokes weed and drinks a lot. She is only 13 but has been doing this for a while. Her mom is a teacher at my schoool and I've known my friend sinse I was 2 and her mom just as long. I'm so tempted to tell her but I'm not sure if I should. Please help me!!
- Confused Coco
dear confused coco,
it depends if you want to ruin your friendship with this girl or not. if you do, tell her mom. if you don't, don't. if you are genuinely concerned about the girl's health and well-being, slip her mom an anonymous note about it. but if you just disapprove, stay out of it.
ok, first of all there this really unpopular girl that hangs around with me, not to brag but in=m way more popular then her. my friend samantha says that i should tell her of and hurt her feelings. i dont want to do this because ive known her from grade 4 and i know what its like to have a friend put you down. so is there a way that i can tell her i dont want to hang out with her, but not make her feel bad? thanks so much!!
- emma
dear emma,
tell her point blank why you don't want to be her friend anymore. she will be devestated at first but she will eventually grow to be grateful she is no longer friends with a vapid, shallow bitch such as yourself.
My good good Laura!! I wanna give my bopyfriend road head, but I"m not sure if he's up to it, how do I bring it up without sounding like a psycho... also, I wanna learn how to deep throught, can you help me?!?!
- Kristina
dear kristina,
no, i can't.
Yeah, hi ya, how do I really impress old people? thanks
- Dave
dear dave,
smile a lot, say 'gee' before everything you say, and ask them about how things were when they were young.
archives
thanks diaryland