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Here's a hypothetical to shake the ages: If you cloned

yourself and you had sex with your clone, would you be gay or masturbating?

-- = Irony's Strumpet AKA Chelsea

Both, but more of the former. You might also be very narcissistic. -- Eleanor Roosevelt



Hi,

My boyfriend and I, have been going out 4 a long time and when school

starts we have to break-up, because we our going to different schools,

and we really wanna stay with each other, and my bf is going to like a

nerd school lol, and hes like if we stay togther you'll find some else,

and i was no i wont cuz I only like u. And Im soo confused right now

and I dont know what to do.

-- = carlee

I think your boyfriend is trying to pull a fast one on you! A lot of people don't want to stay together when they go to college, but only a cad would want to break up and then say it's because his girlfriend is going to end up leaving him. -- Eleanor Roosevelt



well i liked this guy for 4 years on and off and this year he

finally liked me and we liked eachother on and off for 9 months and

then he finally asked me out and we went out for a month and it was great

but there was this other guy that i thought i liked so i broke up with

him and now i like both guys but i still like my ex more and i wish i

could have him back but he all of a sudden tells people that he hates me

and that he doesnt like me anymore but he told me he still liked me and

just said all of that stuff because he was mad about the brake up and i

dont know what to believe

-- = natalie

Believe this: I think you fucked up. I think you're cruel. I think you don't deserve any boys. -- Eleanor Roosevelt



Ellie, I have this friend that keeps on trying to hook up

with me. He's one of my best friends, and I've told him on several

occasions that I don't want to be any more than that. How do I get him to

stop hitting on me?!

-- = Steph

Short term solution -- pepper spray. Long term solution -- antifreeze. I guess it depends if you want him to go away or to die. -- Eleanor Roosevelt



My boyfriend has trouble opening up to me and telling me how

he feels. It is the only thing we ever disagree on. Also, sometimes he

becomes very reclusive and seemingly depressed but won't talk about it.

I know he loves me but why doesn't he show it more openly and what is

with the mood swings?

-- = Confused with men

He must love you if he's willing to put up with someone who is always trying to change who he is and make him feel bad about it. If you can't handle it, just break up with him. -- Eleanor Roosevelt



I hate my mom more than anything. She physically and

mentally abuses me. I cant go to anyone for help because of what my mom would

do if i didn't get away. Next Friday i am going to run away. I'm

having my doubts, because i feel she will still haunt me in my own mind.

What should I do?

P.S. I dont know your policy on email information, but please do not

give mine out.

-- = Demosthenes

Since you wrote this longer than a week ago, I suppose you already ran away. Anyway, that "I can't go to anyone because of what she'll do" is what every victim of abuse thinks. And yet there is a system in place that gets people out of these dangerous situations. I think you should try it. It's a lot more effective than running away. -- Eleanor Roosevelt



Mom took my pills away? Will you send me some?

-- = Timothy

Sure. I run an apothecary you know. -- Eleanor Roosevelt



There's a guy I love.. that's moving to Mexico this August

>_< He might not ever be online anymore, because in some places in

Mexico, there's no internet. I REALLY love this guy, even though we met

online. He's the same age as me, of course. And makes me laugh all the time.

I really am gonna miss him, and I cry everday that he's leaving..even

though he hasn't left....YET. He REALLY doesn't want to go either, but

because his dad wants so much money in order for him to live with him,

his mom is taking him with her all the way to Mexico... and he's going

to private school and homeschooled by some lady who don't even speak

English. This makes me feel worse now. I have to wait till i'm 18 to

move..and thats my plan... to move to Mexico so i can finally be with him...

but I want to know if there's any way i can get across to him that i

love him and that i don't want him to forget me ever...even when he's on

the beach with some mexican girl he don't know as well as he know

s me. I told him to write to me, but he is gonna most likely be too

busy and forget T_T but anyways, he's very sweet, and immature too..but

that's what i like most about him. But i need to know how i can express

my feelings before he leaves...so he always remembers me. any ideas..?

We chat on msn alot. So please let me know any ideas or ways i can get

through to him. thanks

-- = Sam

First of all, if he's going to forget to write to you, it's not going to last anyway. Now that that's out of the way, find out his address in Mexico. Address an envelope and write "AIR MAIL" on it. Then write down everything you think, and before he leaves, hand it to him and tell him to not open it until he's in Mexico and it will be the first letter he receives there. That is memorable. I read something like that in a book. -- Eleanor Roosevelt



How to I figure out what I want with my life?

-- = nicola

Oh dear, I don't know. At least if you can't figure out what you want, life will happen to you anyway. -- Eleanor Roosevelt



How do I get a guy to like me?

-- = Ashlen

If you laugh at their jokes, they will like you because they think you're funny. -- Eleanor Roosevelt



I missed my best friends band 2 times and he is really mad

what should i do, he doesn't even want to talk to me and so i feel like

a bitch. So what should i do eleanor?

-- = Judith

He'll probably forgive you if you go to the next show. But keep in mind that he is your best friend by default, because if he were really a good friend, he'd lighten up. -- Eleanor Roosevelt



I want to die, and also, I seem to be blind in my right

retina.

-- = Chelsea

Me too, and sorry to hear that. -- Eleanor Roosevelt



I have no Boyfriend why is that

-- = Hopeless

You are afraid of boys. -- Eleanor Roosevelt



There's a girl I dated and slept with Spring Semester '04 and

she got attached and I didn't because she's a drama queen and very

slutty to put it bluntly. One night she told me she loved me but within the

same week, she was sleeping with someone else. I don't want her that

way but she claims I hate her. I don't hate her but I don't love her.

Everytime we talk we fight. What the hell should I do?!

-Please Help-

-- = Eric

She might have slept with someone else to spite you. Or maybe she doesn't make any connection between sleeping with people and loving them. Either way, if you're kinda indifferent toward her, just cut her out of your life. -- Eleanor Roosevelt



should i get a tattoo?? if so where? if not why??

-- = mia

You should not, because you are asking an alligator to make decisions about what will be on your body the rest of your life. -- Eleanor Roosevelt



Hi Ms Roosevelt

I have this weird hang-up about getting involved in my friends' lives.

One of my mates is really into Harry Potter fanfic and [apart from the

fact that I believe fanfic is a horrible plague sent to remove the

lower echelons of fantasy from the earth] I'm extremely reluctant to read

any of the websites she sends me or get too interested in her interests.

Another friend has webcams in his office... I feel guilty whenever I

look at the webcam output or read his online diary... because I have this

feeling I should not be getting too involved with his life.

Why am I afraid to become too interested in their lives? Do I have

some sort of separation neurosis or something??

-- = Pauli

Well, avoiding the fanfic makes good sense. But you might have a separation neurosis anyway. --Eleanor Roosevelt



is it really size that counts or how you use it?

-- = jacob

Size. Who cares about the women, Jacob? Peener weeners are useful mainly to compare yourself to other guys. -- Eleanor Roosevelt



Ok, I confess... I have a tendency to like guys that are

older tahn me... by like 8 years! So, they are 17, 18, 19, and sometimes

20, 21, or 22... I am 13. What do I do?

-- = Corki

Wait. -- Eleanor Roosevelt



WHICH ONE DOES NOT BELONG???

f. sausage (fried)

l. sausage (raw)

&. dad (fat)

b. sup dogs my name is what?????

a. all of the above

-- = sydney needs relationship help in central jersey

b. sup dogs my name is what???? does not belong. The first three, except for their introductory letters (f. l. and &.) could have been the beginning of a mildly funny question or quiz. But b. was trying way too hard to be 'random,' and trying too hard in general. It fell flat on its face and ruined whatever humor could have come from the first three answers. -- Eleanor Roosevelt



help me i wanna turn indie but i have no idea what to wear.

advise?

-- = skiie

If you are a boy, do not cut your hair. If you are a girl, cut it posthaste. Make sure you do it yourself. Your bangs should be very short and crooked. For either boys or girls, black glasses help. If you are a boy, wear girls' low rise jeans. Boys and girls both should wear chucks. Never wear white socks. You should get a bag that is much smaller than the bags that used to be popular.. this should be borderline purse. Put pins of indie bands on it. You should be skinny unless you are fat, in which case you can be the token fat. Get an iPod for good measure. Once you have the fashion down, you need the right attitude. Completely disavow the way you now dress and say that you didn't do it on purpose. You might want to pick one of the things I just named and leave it out just so you can point to it and say you're not trying too hard. Complain about mainstream music a lot and especially what's on the radio today. Oh, back to fashion. Carry a book, preferably something by James Joyce. You can keep this in your bag. -- Eleanor Roosevelt



I like this guy named Bret. And like all of my friends kept

saying that he liked me (although only the one knew I liked him, FIVE

different people told me he liked me), so I was all "Yay". Then he

mentions that he has a girlfriend on the phone one day. So I'm quite

obviously confused. But after some thinking, I decide that he cannot like me

back (or why would he ask out this Skye person??) and therefore attempt

to move on. Except now my friends are, once again, saying that he likes

me. Now, at first I was skeptical, but I must say I agree. However, he

DOES have a girlfriend. I simply don't know what to think of this, nor

do I know what to do. Right now we are "Friends" and I am behaving as

such(except when flirting is mutual). People are giving me different

advice, and I do not know what to do. Should I wait around for him to get

a clue? Should I just tell him what's going on? Should I tell him he

missed his chance??

-- = Wendy

Don't be any more forward than saying "It's too bad you have a girlfriend. You are cute, if you know what I mean and I think you do." -- Eleanor Roosevelt



im sad because i live in texas

-- = amy

So is my friend Eric. -- Eleanor Roosevelt



Eleanor,

I am desperatly in love with a pretty good friend of the opposite

gender. his girlfriend is in my grade but he is in the grade above.

currently, they are on a "break" and he is freaking out that over the break

while she's away, she will fall in love with someone else and want to

break up with him. what should i say when he comes to me crying about how

his girlfriend doesn't love him anymore? i mean i've been comforting him

and assuring him that it will all be better when she gets back, but its

really painful for me to be in this position with him ranting to me

about how much he loves his girlfriend. por favor, ˇayudame!

-- = Mo

Then quit comforting and tell him the truth, Ellie-style. Tell him she will either find someone new or she won't. And if she does, she wasn't that great and there's no use getting worked up over her, and if she doesn't, there's nothing to worry about so there's no use getting worked up over it. If taking a break was her idea, point out that she already kinda broke up with him so he might as well start getting over her now. -- Eleanor Roosevelt



are drugs bad?

-- = phyllis h.

Some are. Some are reputed to be a lot worse than they are. -- Eleanor Roosevelt



why is gus so beautiful?

-- = Rob

He puts a lot of effort into his skin. That's the difference between him and me. He takes care of his skin and I am an alligator! I'm beautiful in my own way. -- Eleanor Roosevelt



I am really lonley. I have no boyfreind, and im 13! I dont

know why they dont ask me out. I have no real freinds either. They

will talk to me online and stuff, but they would never invite me anywhere

to spend time with them.

ANother problem i have is that im ugly. I may b 13 but i look like 9.

I really want 2 look my age, but my parents rn't rich so i dont get

allowance and buying make-up is tuff, buying good new cloths is tuff also.

Can u please tell me why I dont have a bf, why I have no real freinds,

and why or can you help me lookmy age or older?

-- = Gemma

Not to be overly harsh, but you probably have no friends because you're 13 (so the social environment you're in as hell), you look like you're nine, and you have no money. You can get an eyeliner pencil for $1 or $2 at a drug store. That might help you look older, but don't overdo it. Also, wait about 7 years. -- Eleanor Roosevelt



well, i got a lil too wild last weekend and i fucked some guy

will i was bent over a horse trailer at a rodeo. this guy's cousin, my

close friend, got real pissed off at me. what do i do?

-- = curly bob

If it was, good, fuck him again. If it wasn't, drink less or steer clear of rodeos. -- Eleanor Roosevelt



i really like my best friend as more than a friend and i

think he might like me too. should i tell him how i feel, or will that make

the friendship really awkward?

-- = lindsey

It will make it really awkward if he doesn't like you back. If he does, it will make your relationship better. Longing for him behind his back and writing to an alligator for advice already makes your relationship kinda weird though. -- Eleanor Roosevelt

 

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