Ok, there's this guy I like who's in my classes who I know I
have a lot in common with, but I am way way way too shy to ask him out.
Most of the people in the year think he's weird, and everyone else
seems to have a boy/girl friend. Please help! PS. I'm year 8. And you rule.
-- Lydia
If he's weird, that's a plus, honey. If you're too shy to ask him out, then don't. If he were worth it, you'd overcome your shyness. Also, keep in mind that you're 8. That means why you can figuratively "go out," you can't literally "go out," anywhere, unless he lives on your street or something. -- Ellie Roosevelt
dear el:
what is the best way to embalm a body?
thanks,
- sarah
Heck if I know! But this summer I made some friends who go to the Pittsburgh Mortuary Institute. I think the process is something like this. First, drain out all the blood. Then you fish out the brains and cut out all the organs. Then you put embalming fluid in the body. Maybe you stuff it with something so it doesn't cave in. -- Eleanor Roosevelt
I don't like my husband anymore, we've been married for 10
yrs, and in the past 1-1 1/2yrs I have had numerous affairs. He is a
great father, and okay provider. I wish I loved him. But, he does not
stimulate me sexually at all. Could I give up the affairs and live
without the sex and be happy/satisfied ? Am I being shallow? I'm 33 and I
think I'm having a mid life crisis. Most of the men/guys I have been
with are in their early 20s. help.
-- Sandra
You probably can't give up the affairs and still be satisfied. I don't have much of a problem with cheating on people, but I think you owe it to him to tell him about it. Maybe he can try to become more attractive. At least he won't be tricked into thinking he has a faithful loving wife. -- Eleanor Roosevelt
Is it really *that* bad to wear all black clothing (and
shoes) and white socks? I say yes. Friends say no.
-- aimee
Your friends are right. -- Eleanor Roosevelt
My exboyfriend want to go back out the only problem is I do
but not right now. I truly love him it's just I need time. I don't want
him to move on though I want him to wait. What should I do?
- Candy
Why don't you teach the class called Topics in Being a Bitch of an Exgirlfriend? I am a lizard with a lot of patience for people to not have commitment, but I have absolutely none for 1) people who claim they're in love when they're not 2) people who want other people to wait while they will make no commitment. You, my dear, are both, and I have nothing but scorn for you. If you loved him, you wouldn't put it off, now would you? You just cheapen the word. If you can "love" somebody, but not want to date them, then what are people supposed to call that feeling they have that is so much stronger than yours (I can tell because they actually want to date the person)? I also hate 3) people who erode the English language. The only nice thing I have to tell you is this: if your boyfriend puts up with your garbage, he deserves it. You can't treat him any worse than he wants to be treated. -- Eleanor Roosevelt
my friend made a hideous error and is now beset by obnoxious
trolls. where can i buy nuclear weapons to rid the world of these
pests?
-- finlay
The short answer is Belarus. The long answer is, well, long. First, you have to change your personality around until you learn that sarcasm is done and it is dead. Getting to college might help your outlook on life a lot. You might realize that you are exactly the same as everyone else, and you might try to broaden your perspectives instead of calling yourself a Satanist to try to sound scary with your hedonism. Since you read my column now, I'm sure you're aware that there isn't a more hedonistic lizard around. Yet I have way too much dignity to put on a label to try to impress people with my evilness. I know this wasn't originally said about you, but it fits. You try to pass off a collection of artistic and consumer preferences as a personality. Case in point: dressing up as a David Bowie song and a character from a Hot Topic comic book for Halloween. Anyway, I got away from the advice and into the scorn I have for you. (I usually don't have scorn for anyone in my column, and I have two already this week). So I'll conclude. Your first year of college you will meet 30 people exactly like you, and you will think they have great taste. Your second year, a whole new class will come in and they will be exactly (because you are completely unoriginal and it's easy to follow your formula) like you and you will roll your eyes at them, and maybe a personality will emerge. You just might be a late-bloomer in the personality department. -- Eleanor Roosevelt
Hi, Ellie! I'm in a bit of a pickle. I'm a gay boy who
likes to wear make-up, but I can never find the right combination to match
me. I have naturally red lips, and long, black lashes, and everything
just seems too much. What can I do? I don't want to end up like
Christina Aguilera.
-- Alexander
Perhaps your problem is trying to wear makeup when you don't need it. Try white eyeliner. It worked wonders for Sister Todd. Black made his eyes look sunken into his head. Grey might work too. Red mascara (they have it at k-mart) makes your eyes look bluer, if they are blue. Make-up advice is really rather difficult to give without pictures and the like. -- Eleanor Roosevelt
i've liked this guy named scott since the 3rd grade. not just
your ordinary-i-like-you-only-because-you-like-me type crush, but a
on-the-verge-of-being-an-obsessive-stalker type crush. i've tried every
way possible to get his attention, including dressing like the punk\goth
chicks that he loves. i've listened to the music he listens to &
watched his favorite tv shows. i'm about to give up but i'm sure he would
like me if he gave me a chance. what do i do?
-- hannah
You can enjoy the obsessive-stalker-type-crush. They are good in and of themselves. You could try not wearing costumes to get him to like you. I suggest this only because they don't seem to be working. Sometimes with those punk guys, a "regular" girl who pays attention to him can really catch his eye. Or you could get him drunk and seduce him. Boys will do anything when they're drunk. -- Eleanor Roosevelt
Whats the best way to get over an ex-boyfriend?
-- Cindy
Fight him til he tells you how much he hates you. Until then, you still will hope you can get back together. If that doesn't work, try getting a fling, drowning your sorrows in a well-brewed beer or a foxmeat dinner, or telling him you have AIDS. -- Eleanor Roosevelt
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thanks diaryland