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How can I get my ex,who I am still madly in love with back?

-- Re_Re

Tell him you're pregnant. -- Eleanor Roosevelt



Why can't I get a job?

-- Megan

There could be many reasons. Here are a few. President Bush mangled the economy with his ill-conceived tax cuts. I, for one, would pay Clinton-era tax rates to have a Clinton-era economy. You might lack the right education. You might be living in the wrong place. Your resume might suck. Your cover letters might be fake and processed. You might not indicate what job you are applying for, thus ending up in the "general" pile. But it's mainly the Bush economy. What do you expect when you let the imbeciles have power? Eight years of prosperity, and people think they can indulge their socially conservative ideas and Republicans can't mess up the economy too badly. Well they're wrong. The budget deficit is out of control and the only reason unemployment falls anymore is people quit trying to find jobs. Even I have to write this advice column pro bono! -- Eleanor Roosevelt



why dosent my boyfriend care about me anymore?

-- leidy

Because he doesn't like you and didn't want to hurt your feelings by breaking up with you. -- Eleanor Roosevelt



I need to seek revenge on an evil boy who broke my heart.

And told his whole dorm that it was ok if any of them wanted to try to

date me. He basicly just "passed" me on down the line. He was soo rude,

my best friend told me that he had said that-- he (evil boy) didnt

inform me that we were over. I need your help Laura, for i like your

previous advice a friend of mine got. Please help me.

-- Stacy aka Kidd-o

First, date someone in his dorm. Then say the new guy is much better. This works especially well if they were friends. -- Eleanor Roosevelt



I'm gay, and I've been out of the closet for a couple of

months. I haven't told my parents yet, and I'm afraid to. I'm not 18 yet,

and I'm thinking the worst:that they'll kick me out. But I really want

to tell them about this, since I've been so much happier since I came

out. Should I tell then that I'm gay?

-- Lynn

If you want to. Personally, I'd just let them figure it out. -- Eleanor Roosevelt



my boyfriend is turning 18 in october and i really don't know

what to get him! he adores me and we've only been together for a month

but he's gone to qld for 2 weeks and i talked to him on the phone last

night and he said he'd bought me heaps of pressies... and its not my

bday or anythign! i really don't know wht to get him for his bday... he's

turning 18 so it should be something special... i was thinking playboy

pjs pants coz he always bitches about having to sleep in jeans if we

stay over at a friends place .. but i dont know what else!

please help me!

thankyou!!!

-- meg

He's bitching about sleeping in jeans because he wants you to say "then don't sleep in pants," and then he can be half-naked with you. Other than that, the pajama pants are a good idea. Get him a voter registration form with "Democratic Party" checked too. Give him the gift of good governance. Now that he's of draftable age, you should probably make a donation to the Democratic National Committee to get Democrats in power who won't send him off to war. Unless you don't love him of course. -- Eleanor Roosevelt



I really, really, really like this one guy, and I'm not sure

if he likes me or not because we flirt a lot and stuff...But I'm not

sure if he's really attracted to me or not, I can't find a way to tell

him! HELP ME!

-- Jenna

Don't tell him. The best crushes are the ones you never acted on and you can talk about 10 years later. -- Eleanor Roosevelt



I have a problem keeping boyfriends for more than two months.

What can I do to improve my luck?

-- Debbie

Don't act like you like them too much. -- Eleanor Roosevelt



I have a few friends that get on my nerves a lot and I don't

know how to tell them. They talk about the same thing all the time and

they don't stop. What do I do? How do I tell them? How do I go about

telling them? Please help me Eleanor.

-- Debbie

This happens a lot with boys and cars. So I'll use that as an example. If they start talking about cars, say "cars." Then a bit later, say "cars." Repeat as necessary. They might get the hint. -- Eleanor Roosevelt



I don't know what do......i think i'm in love with BUSH!

-- Ellen

You BETTER mean the band with Gavin Rosdale in it, missy! -- Eleanor Roosevelt



are boogers green?

-- Timbeh!

There are as many colors of boogers are there are dumb questions. -- Eleanor Roosevelt



My bestest friend is a lezbian, but I'm starting to like her

as much more then a friend, what should i do?

-- Raziel

Hump her. -- Eleanor Roosevelt



I am in a sorority, this is a lame question but I want

someone else's point of view. Anyway, I go to a lot of frat parties and often

times I hook up with a guy there. The problem is when I see them (there

has only been a few), one imparticular, on campus he ignores me acts

like I don't exsist, etc... I am not interested in pursuing

relationships with these guys, but at least he could say hi seeming as though he

had his tounge down my throat last week. Is there something wrong with

me? How would you handle this?

-- Kitty

What do you expect? No wonder people in frats and sororities are always such miserable people. -- Eleanor Roosevelt



i love someone but he lives in newmarket (about an hour from

my home) and i hardly ever get to see him, hes in gr 12 and he will be

going to university soon, and it will be so impossible to stay together

then, its stupid realy, i dont want to loose him but i most likely

will. Then therse this guy back home, in my drama class, hes really nice

and i like him, not as much as the other guy but i do, and he kinda

likes me too. which guy should i go with?

-- Laura

The one who lives nearby. -- Eleanor Roosevelt



I REALLY like this boy at school but he's in 8th grade and

i'm in 7th and I find I get jealous of anybody who I hear flirted with

him and I feel shy when i'm around him and I am SO confused!And when I

see anybody tell him 2 buzz off I start freaking in my head!He is totally

cute!He flirted with me a LOT lost year he even hugged me and he

laughes about his farts just like me! I think hes my perfect match but I have

competition 'cause another girl ALWAYS flirts with him! I get SO

jealous and MAD!!

-- somebody@home

You should say "I think you are cute. Let's go out." He will say yes. -- Eleanor Roosevelt



I can't get over the fact that my mom's fiance molested me

last year, what do you suggest I do to help me get over it?

-- Nicole

Kill him. Also ruin their wedding. -- Eleanor Roosevelt



what exactly is foxmeat?? is it the meat of a fox,or what?

-- laura

Exactly. -- Eleanor Roosevelt



whats your opinion on homosexuality?

-- buh...

I have no patience for anyone who has any objections to it. -- Eleanor Roosevelt



Why is hedonistic fornication such an underground practice?

And why are 14-year old girls wary of it, as well?

(With a 12-year old boy. =P)

-- Kyouka

Beats me. -- Eleanor Roosevelt



The other day, a friend of mine wrote my name on his ass and

proceeded to show it to me. Do you think this is a signal that he

wants to persue a romantic relationship?

-- Patrick

Yes. If he is cute, you should date him. -- Eleanor Roosevelt



Dear Laura,

i'm going through a bit of a crisis.i'm 18 years old and i recently got

kicked out of my house by my mother.i'm staying with my best friend and

her father, but i can't stay here forever.anouther friend of mine

offered to have me come be his roommate.i would love to and am financially

able to, but i have two problems with the situation:his best friend is

my ex [we parted on bad terms and haven't spoken since].he frequently

comes to the apartment to play in their band.the other problem is that my

friend smokes weed constantly while i've been sober for 6 months and

don't plan on going back.

what should i do?i've weighed the pros and cons of moving in or finding

someplace else and i still can't decided.

sincerely, nik

-- nik

Well, sounds like you don't have that many options at this point. You should move to Pittsburgh. Apartments are cheap there. -- Eleanor Roosevelt



my friend had a party and we invited my crush and then well

we started to go out and he was kinda drunk and we were like all over

each other and he doesnt remember! and i really like him and i dont know

what to do help me!

-- brittany

He remembers. He just wants to pretend he doesn't because he regrets it. Sorry. -- Eleanor Roosevelt



Well, this isn't much of an "advice" situation here, but

since you have an opinion on everything, what's your opinion about Alanis

Morissette?

-- Nicole

I think she is a very gifted musician, and a Canadian at that. -- Eleanor Roosevelt



I'm a psych major...and I'm snobby about it, is there

anything that wrong with my situation?

-- Genny

If you can live your life knowing that I heap my scorn upon you, then no, there's nothing wrong with it. -- Eleanor Roosevelt



eleanor, how do you make the "leave a comment" "3 comments"

thing on your livejournal say something else? like yours says "swap a

yarn". i want mine to say something different and i cant find where to

change it. thanks.

-- caro

I don't know. I had Laura set up my livejournal for me. -- Eleanor Roosevelt



hey, i kinda like this kid but the only problem is that hes a

freak. i hate labels but i dont know any other way to put it. im kinda

just the type of person to roll out of bed and go to school and just

have fun. i dont care about what people think about me. i really don't

know what to do.

-- kir

Date him and if you don't like it, break up. It's not like you're marrying him. -- Eleanor Roosevelt



my close friend started dating a guy 3 weeks ago. since the

night they started dating, she's spent every second of her time with

him. she even stood up one of our friends to hang out with him! knowing

that not just i, but all of her friends resent her for being suddenly

ditched, she makes an effort to spend about one night a week in our

company (we all used to hang out nearly every day). these outings are always

really tense, and she has complained about this to me and declared that

she won't spend time with us at all if it has to be like that!! but she

caused the tension by avoiding us and hanging out exclusively with the

friends of her boyfriend.

she wants everyone to simply adjust to her wishes and make everything

easy for her, even though she is alienating her friends and spending an

unhealthy amount of time with one person. talking with her, she makes

vague demands on us to "give this a chance" and "support her" without

giving anything herself. so if we ask her to spend more time with us

we're being unsupportive? why should we support a relationship that has

made her become distant to us and completely dependent on her boyfriend's

company (in only 3 weeks, too)? she gets defensive and angry if i

address her recent behavior. since the direct approach doesn't work, what

should i do to show her the error of her ways or at least cling to my

sanity until they break up? and why does "chicks before dicks" never hold

up in real life?

-- val

You shouldn't support her. I think you know that. If it makes you feel better, "bros before hos" never holds up either. -- Eleanor Roosevelt



Back When I was younger I fell In Love with a Boy Named

Justin. I loved him so much I new I would Die for him. Oneday He Asked me

out to the School Dance. I Spent Days Prepairing 4 it...yet he Never

came. I found Out he Cheated on me..He never told me about it though. I

have been In depression for 2 years. And Now I am in love again...with

another..His Name is also justin..Yet I appear no more than Shadow to him.

I Bairly Talk or Show emotion Towards anyone. People think i am to

Young to love...they lie. I have been Having Dreams Of both of them

Crying..Vesions of there Sadness and life..what should i do?

-- Sarah

It's not that you're too young to love. It's that you're too stupid to. -- Eleanor Roosevelt



Howdy Ellie. I have a bit of a snafu to conquor. I have a

slight affection towards this guy, but he's a republican. Also, I tend

to use too many words and in the process try to sound too pretentious.

Any advice?

-- Nora

Tell him "good luck finding any cunt as a Republican." Then spit at him. Since you like him, I'm letting him off easy. -- Eleanor Roosevelt



Boxers or briefs?

-- Cow lady

Briefs. -- Eleanor Roosevelt



i have a tooth ache. you are an alligator, and you have many

teeth. please help.

-- rigby

I brush. -- Eleanor Roosevelt



my probablem is that maybe i'm just too dumb to find it, but

i dont know what your polotics are....so um...yea i'd be happy and shit

if i knew...so please tell me? thanx, chris

-- CHRIS

My name is Eleanor Roosevelt. If that doesn't tell you I am an ardent Democrat, I don't know what would. -- Eleanor Roosevelt



how can i explain to my bf that when i called him "daddy"

during sex, that i didnt mean i want to fuck my father? or does that come

from some incest desire of wanting my fathers hard cock inside of me?

-- daddysgirl

Tell him it was short for daddy-o, and you are a beatnik. Then write him a poem. -- Eleanor Roosevelt



how does johnny depp's voice sound?

i love him! and hate italian dubbing!

please go watch pirates of carribeans (LA MALEDIZIONE DELLA PRIMA LUNA

here, *___*) and tell me!

saluti dall'italia :)

-- martina

Buon giorno. La sua voce suona bellisima. -- Eleanor Roosevelt



I need dick

-- puff

Use a gourd. -- Eleanor Roosevelt



Hello Eleanor!

First I would like to let you know that you're my hero.

That being said, I have a problem. Am I supposed to trim my pubic hair?

I assume it's like regular hair only in another place and should be

trimmed. Otherwise, i would have a crotch beard, which would be hideous to

say the least. Shall I or shan't I?

-- jenny

Many people believe you should. But pubic hair won't grow indefinitely if you don't. -- Eleanor Roosevelt



ok i like tis boy in school and some of my friends say he

likes me n i sit next to him in all ma classes and he flirts but like i

dont know if he likes me like whenever i drop my book he will bend down

and pick them up for me its sweet hoe do u find out if he likes me or at

least make the first move??

-- sophia

He likes you. -- Eleanor Roosevelt



I messed up my eyebrows. How can I fix them?

-- Marian

Shave them off and draw them on with a sharpie marker until they come back. -- Eleanor Roosevelt



I think I am in love with a boy in my year, but he doesn't

know. I am easily obsessed, I know his address, phone num. middle name,

even his armspan!! I have no confidence (as I am a complete dog, and am

constantly insulted at school for being fat and ugly), also, I used to

fancy his friend, who lives across from me, and when he found out I

liked him he stopped talking to me and started insulting me. I REALLY

don't want that to happen again!

Also, I get really depressed and have cut myself on more than one

occasion (noone knows tho), and I was wondering if u had ne advice on how 2

avoid getting into the situation where I need 2 cut myself again.

Please help!

-- Kez

Just keep your obsessions to yourself. Or with a friend, build shrines to your obsessions. -- Eleanor Roosevelt



ellie:

i've grown up without a motherly figure around, and only my dad and two

little sisters. now i've got questions who i can't ask anyone i know,

because i don't actually *know* any girls. i'm just one of the guys.

are girls supposed to shave *down there*???

is it normal to only get yur period once every two or three months?

how do tampons work? i've tried to use them, but i just can't figure it

out.

Why is it so cool that i can tie a cherry stem with my tongue?

Why is it "not right" that i wear my dad's clothes sometimes?

-- ange

It's not completely necessary to shave down there, but it is unseemly to have pubes stick outside of your bathing suit or underwear. It is normal to get your period every month, but many people only get it once every two or three months. Maybe you should see a gynecologist about that. With tampons, you stick the applicator in your cunt, then push the tampon through, and remove the applicator. Later, use the string to pull it out. If you live with people and throw it in the garbage can, be a doll and take out the trash. It's cool because you have a nimble tongue. There's nothing wrong with wearing your father's clothes. -- Eleanor Roosevelt



i like two people and they both like me a lot. and im already

going out with one. wat do i do about this ?

-- Ashlee

Go out with the other one too. -- Eleanor Roosevelt



what free hosts should i use if i want to learn to write html

codes for complete pages? right now my site is on aol hometown and any

html i enter is separate from the rest of the stuff like text and

pictures. if i write a code for a whole page it doesn't show up. it's really

annoying cus i want to get into serious web design, but i know i won't

learn right if i keep using aol.

-- taylor

If making webpages is what you want to do, just write the code and use internet explorer or netscape to open it. You don't need to upload it anywhere to do what you want. -- Eleanor Roosevelt



I think my boyfriend goes over to this girls house to much,

but there like best friends.. and there neighboors.. and we made out

like 6 times today.. am i jus paranoid?

-- bloodybitch

You might not be paranoid. Ask him once if he fornicates with her. If he says no, accept it and believe him. -- Eleanor Roosevelt



hello,

I have this ex. One of the two people I've ever been inlove with, and

we broke up last january. I broke up with him, s it's weird that I still

have feelings for him. not strong ones, but they are there. My sister

also has feelings for him now, and he for her. And I want them to be

happy, but it really bothers me that they're considering going out and

stuff. I don't knw how to stop being jealous of them. I don't know how to

mkae it stop :( any suggestions?

-- marie

Forbid them to date. -- Eleanor Roosevelt



I'm having sex with my step dad. He's 25 years older than me,

but I love him. I'm scared of hurting my mum. What should I do?

-- Siobhan

Invite her to join you. The situation can hardly get any more fucked up. -- Eleanor Roosevelt



how exactly do you cure pathological lying?

-- rach sue

Start telling the truth when people will assume it's a lie. It's amazing how much truth you can say if you just smile when you say it. Pathological truthing is so much more fun than pathological lying. -- Eleanor Roosevelt



I hate my hair! Can you give me any adivuce? I need some good

ideas for hairstyles. I have short wavy hair.

-- Danielle

Go buy a realistic looking wig and have fun with it. -- Eleanor Roosevelt



i love this guy johnathan, and he loves me. but he lives

almost 300 miles away. should i hope that our relationship will be able

to outlast the distance...or should i just consider him a friend?

-- anne

I wouldn't even be friends with someone 300 miles away. Be realistic, honey. -- Eleanor Roosevelt



I've been going out w/ this guy for like 4 month's should I

lose it to him or not ??

-- Adria

If he's hot. -- Eleanor Roosevelt



Before I tell you my problem I really like your column it's

very interesting. Alligators sure know alot about life ^__^. About my

problem... my ex boyfriend confuses me alot. He completely avoids me

in class but then when I'm home he comes over in the middle of a

hurricane just to say hi. I still like him and he's always asking me who I

like. I know two girls that he already likes and they are both complete

opposites from me. I'm confused and I really need help

-- Ms. Duckypaws

He's confused too. Say "well, until we find someone else, why don't we neck and fornicate to pass the time. That was always fun." And he will take you up on that. And then maybe he will realize he likes you again. -- Eleanor Roosevelt



my mother does not let me wear tight clothes in fear that the

boys will notice me n stuff. wut should i do?

-- ashley

Quit dressing like a harlot. -- Eleanor Roosevelt



I'm sure you are sick of those stupid dating situations...but

hear this one out. Two of my best friends went out for a year and a

half. They broke up last week and now the guy really likes me...and i like

him. TO make it even more shitty of a situation we made out last night

when we were piss drunk. My entire "circle" of friends are so angry at

us. I dont want to finish my senior year of high school with no

friends...what should i do??

-- idiot girl

Now that you necked with him, you might as well lose all your friends and date him. Especially if you're going away to college. If you're staying close to home and everyone else is, maybe you shouldn't burn all your bridges. Your friends were right, after all. -- Eleanor Roosevelt



I have a problem with why so many people have problems with

reletionships. Am I just being bitchy and cynical by thinking everybody

goes overboard with all the stupid "who do you like" crap?

-- Melissa

How do you think I feel? These are the only questions I get asked! -- Eleanor Roosevelt



Dear Eleanor Roosevelt,

My name is Bob.... I don't really have a problem 'cept for the fact

that my name is Joe....

bye.

Thanks,

Bill

-- Fred

I guess that's your only problem if you don't mind not having much of a sense of humor. -- Eleanor Roosevelt



I’ve had this thing for this guy for over a year now. He has

slight problems, a lot of them springing up from his youth and the

stuff he went through as a child. Me and him eventually got together, but

for one reason or another (or should I say “one meaningless argument or

another”) we ended up going separate ways. I find it hard to believe

that I was merely a summer fling to him, he just seemed to look at me

like I truly meant something to him. We have fought in the past and we

had reconciled and he had apologized for everything hes ever done wrong,

and promised that this time (this summer.. the summer fling….) would be

different, and that he really liked me and whatever. But now.. after

our final argument we don’t talk anymore and when we do talk he stresses

that he just wants to be friends. Should I think that because of all

the hurt hes been through I shouldn’t give up on him or should I just

give it all up and walk away? I want to be there for him, I wan

t to let him know that I still care. Every now and then I IM him and

tell him I hope hes doing well, but somehow that’s just not enough, I

want what I had before. Cant I just have it back???

-- Gina

It's over. -- Eleanor Roosevelt



how can i tell if a guy likes me or not

-- ashley

If he shows you his dick, he likes you. -- Eleanor Roosevelt


 

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